OK. I gotta think positive!

You could see it in his eyes – the tears. At the same time his lips quivered. Kyle Stanley blew a three-shot lead on the 18th hole at Torrey Pines at the Farmers Insurance Open with a triple bogey. Meanwhile, Brandt Snedeker who was seven off the lead at the beginning of the day had finished with a 67 to assure him of second place – until the meltdown. Snedeker went on to win the golf tournament in a sudden death play-off against Stanley.


This is every golfer’s nightmare. Just ask Rory McIlroy and many before him. How do you stay positive when the stress is extraordinary? How do you find your centre again after such a shock?

Although extreme and relatively rare for golfers and the rest of us, the comeback techniques are universal. We humans have a remarkable ability to bounce back. Built into our biology is the tendency and ability to see the silver lining. And, that’s just the start.

The hard work is rebuilding a frame of mind to confront the same or different challenges. It’s not enough to “think positive” although positive self-talk is essential such as “I can do this”. The trouble with just thinking is that it is not doing. A routine – doing something even if it’s a little bit every day – is the key to strengthening resilience in the face of adversity. As Shawn Achor author of The Happiness Advantage puts it:

Training your brain to be positive is not so different from training your muscles at the gym.

Twitter, Facebook and the Web are alive with tips, tools and techniques gleaned from current research across multiple disciplines. The January-February 2012 edition of The Harvard Business Review is dedicated to the science of happiness. Science Digest provides nuggets on a daily basis. The self-help book business has been thriving for 60+ years. The topic has a long history in religion and in human history.

So what can Kyle Stanley do? Here are some examples that consistently pop up as proven to work:

1. Ease someone else’s pain. Do something good for someone else. Help a person looking for something in the grocery store. Hang out for a day with young kids who can’t afford to take golf lessons. Be their teacher for a few hours. Good intentions have a two-way impact: soothe pain, and increase pleasure. Confucius called this The Jen Ratio.

2. Ponder. Handwrite in a notebook all your thoughts about the situation, free flow, no judgment or editing. That empties the mind, takes out the busyness and has a calming effect even for many athletes who prefer action to sitting quietly writing. Handwriting makes a stronger connection to the brain than working on a computer. The quieter creative and healing part of the mind can get to work.

3. See the silver lining. Exercise this biological gift to your advantage every day. Verbally or in a notebook, make a list of three reasons you are grateful. The Dalai Lama likely has practiced this to a fine art. He giggles quite a lot. We can assume he must see the upside to just about obstacle thrown in his way.

4. Listen to music while exercising. You can’t do it while competing as it does give an athlete a competitive advantage. But you can in-between tournaments. Music acts like a conductor orchestrating and coordinating activity across different parts of the brain. The repetitive beat combined with the exercise –walking, yoga, work out at a gym, Zumba, etc. – directs attention away from the negative providing a motivational boost. Mark Fenske, co-author of The Winner’s Brain, wrote about the power of music in The Globe and Mail (February 2, 2012).

5. Do something silly. Be with someone silly. Permit yourself to have fun. Laughter is an infectious social phenomenon. Even a quip here and there in conversations with others will magically lift your spirits and those around you. Reach out to David Feherty at the Golf Channel. He can make even the most dour person chuckle.

These and related habits repair and develop our Buddha brain. Rick Hanson describes the process in his book Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Step at a Time. Many little mindful habits tame the amygdala, our brain’s anxiety-ridden troublemaker. The emotional tail wags the rational dog (Jonathan Haidt). But it doesn’t always have to be that way.

Want to Make Progress on a Tough Challenge? Take Some Cues From Golf

Until most individuals recognize that sustained training and effort is a prerequisite for reaching expert levels of performance, they will continue to misattribute lesser achievement to the lack of natural gifts, and will thus fail to reach their own potential.

- K. Anders Ericsson

We humans have always marveled at the accomplishments of athletes or for that matter anyone who pushes the limits of mastery no matter the skill to be conquered. Golf provides a special window into the journey because we witness the ups and downs of professional golfers of all ages publicly, Tiger Woods for one. Their stories in many ways mimic working life, particularly the managing stress and personal development parts. That’s where we can tune in for some tips.

Karl Morris who is mental coach to Darren Clarke, Charl Schwartzel and Graeme McDowell, picks up on the importance of “deliberate” practice popularized by Malcolm Gladwell in his book Outliers. As K. Anders Ericsson explains – the academic guru on the topic – this is not mindless practice. Athletes and any other persons wanting to better their best focus on incrementally stretching beyond their comfort zones, not unlike what we all had to do during our elementary, high school and college or university studies. Plus athletes have expert coaches who, like teachers in our younger years, are a must to provide feedback, guidance and encouragement.

In golf or any domain for that matter, deliberate practice requires work, lots of it. That means attention, concentration, reflection and managing emotions with each shot, each action and reaction.

So, here are three tips from Morris and the researchers on whom he draws:

1. Attend only to one task at a time, one ball at a time until you get it right. So multiple goals and tactics are out.

2. Write down your score. Keep track so you have hard data feedback. This “immunizes you against pressure” in the future.

3. Attach positive emotions to shots even when they are less than your expectations. Even a smile despite a disappointment can shift your opportunity for future success.

Tip # 3 is probably the hardest to do. Rick Hanson in Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time breaks it down into three simple steps that are easy to remember:

Let Be: Acknowledge how you are feeling, your “inner dialogue”.

Let Go: Breathe deeply. Say goodbye to those feelings if negative.

Let In: Replace what you released with something better, like feeling grateful for… (you fill it in). Call it the “silver lining response”.

Note that “mere experience” and “everyday skills” do not qualify as deliberate practice. The latter is akin to the mental demands of complex problem-solving. But, according to Ericsson, too many people default to their everyday skills and as such suffer from “arrested development”!

No shortcuts with Mindwork, Tending to the Genius Within

Like any lifestyle habit, keeping our minds in good running order is a work in progress. Self-confidence, emotional resilience, happiness and calmness all come and go. They must be renewed daily and moment by moment. If we don’t work at it, our minds deteriorate. We can become mind wrecks as easily as coach potatoes.
Trouble is it takes time to freshen up our minds and time is one resource we never seem to have enough of. Weekend long meditation retreats are not in the cards for most of us. Family and work demands consume us. “Stayin’ alive” is a full time occupation.

Fortunately, there’s lots of advice available to show us how. Check any bookstore. Self-help books abound. Go back to the “golden oldies” in your bookshelf. Similar messages. And, now with neuroscience backing up many of the self-help claims, we’re “good to go”. Except, that a daily routine for our minds is elusive.

Olympic athletes have entire systems of support behind them to be on the cutting edge. Canada’s Olympic Committee, in partnership with the private sector, Sport Canada and the Federal government, has made significant investments in neuro-and bio-feedback equipment to boost athletes’ mind preparation. In addition, athletes have open access to sports psychologists, dietitians, biomechanical experts, exercise physiologists, massage therapists and other experts. Further, a team spirit is encouraged as part of building the “can do” spirit of helping each other to succeed.

How can we do this for ourselves so that we can be “Olympians” in our own pursuits and passions? Certainly we can make more efforts to feed the work place with positive messages and encouragement in which we focus on bringing out more “the geniuses within”. Collectively, that’s powerful. Any obstacle can be dealt with.

It all starts though with each of us tending to our own genius within. That takes works every day. Deliberate work and practice.

If we can become more physically fit with ten minutes here and there or, better still, 30 to 60 minutes daily, then so can we with mind fitness. The techniques are all around us: yoga, meditation, deep breathing, laughing, visualization, inspirational books and speakers, singing, doing good works, viewing family photos…. A silent, calm brain enables us to be mindful. A noisy brain, “mindless”.

The key is to structure mindwork into our days, a routine like many other aspects of our life, which keeps us on an even keel. Here is one way to do it.

In the morning or before going to sleep, do a combination of 30 minutes of mindwork exercises such as:

- 2 minutes of deep breathing

- 10 minutes of inspiration reading & reflecting

- 8 minutes of reviewing goals, aspirations, insights, appreciation for people in your life

- 10 minutes meditating or equivalent, such as yoga

Done more diligently, mindwork wards off the ghosts past and polishes our natural talents. In a noisy world full of the unexpected, this is one sure fire way to live more fitfully in the present.