Are You More Like an Orchid or a Dandelion in Your Working Environment?

Why do some kids from really tough backgrounds manage to rise above the fray and survive while others wilt? Do these kids show up in the workplace as grown adults who manage the stresses well while others don’t?

Researchers Thomas Boyce (University of British Columbia) and Bruce Ellis (University of Arizona) coined an orchid-dandelion hypothesis based on the Swedish term “dandelion children”. Such children seem to be able to grow up in almost any environment unscathed. Boyce and Ellis added the term “orchid children” who blossom under good care but wilt when the environment lacks caring support.  Parental behaviour matters. Then, does organizational/leadership care matter? We know it does for everyone, yet for some it may be that which makes or breaks their motivation, engagement, happiness and overall productivity.

But hold on. The orchid kids might just have “heightened attention” to a new or ambiguous situation as Elaine Aron (State University of New York) posits. Their response might appear as “anxious inaction” when in fact they are “pausing to read cues and await opportunity.” It is somewhat akin to people who consider themselves “diverger” learners, generating options and taking a 360 view first. This “highly sensitive” response might be an evolutionary one from way back to our hunter-gatherer days when caution was a matter of life or death.

Steven Pinker (Harvard University) in his seminal book How the Mind Works points out that our minds are “designed by natural selection to solve the kinds of problems our ancestors faced in their foraging way of life…understanding and out-maneuvering objects, animals, plants, and other people”. He contends that we are not especially well-adapted yet to the modern world. We have “complex genetic recipes” that are working ever so slowly to adapt well in a non-hunter-gatherer world. The aim as always is to problem-solve through complex issues with survival as a key outcome!

Nevertheless, some of us, according to the orchid-dandelion view are more highly sensitive than others to the social environment and the stresses related to it. For example, we know that introverts easily become overloaded in social environments whereas extroverts generally thrive on the social stimuli.

Ernest Hartman from Tufts University prefers to characterize the differences as “boundaries” in the way we operate in the world. Some of us are thick-skinned, others thin-skinned. We “keep out” or “let in” stimuli according to our tolerance for handling the “energy of feelings”.  In his Boundary Questionnaire (BQ) Hartman has found that women score thinner than men. But if we look at this through an evolutionary lens, both are adaptive skills for survival.

In the workplace, therefore, we can conclude that both are strengths that only manifest if leaders and the infrastructure of the organization support the different tolerances for social stimuli. You can’t go wrong if you are a high emotionally intelligent leader. Walk in the shoes of others. Lend a helping hand. Unconditionally support. Take obstacles out of the way that impede getting the job done. Magical!  

What do you think?

When my sister gave me Tina Fey’s book “Bossypants” a couple of years ago for my birthday, all in jest of course, it reminded me of the forces that shape us and how difficult it is to change a habit. As the eldest, I took life far too seriously. To this day, my sisters frequently kid me about my relentless messaging to them. In my view, they always seemed to be fooling around, slacking off. “Work hard”, I told them, so they could take care of themselves as adults, not depend on a man for their well-being.

Not surprisingly I have made a career out of the value (or not) of working hard. It’s much more nuanced than I imagined. Good coaching has many facets and lecturing is not necessarily an effective strategy. Maybe it works temporarily to change behaviour quickly in a risky situation. For the long-term though and to encourage self-momentum, it has diminishing returns.

Lately the power of a single question when problem-solving with others has reminded me of a way to shed the “bossy pants” habit. “What do you think?” is one major personal transformation theme I hear when I follow up with managers who have graduated from our leadership development programs. They don’t jump in to provide the answers, as was their habit too often. Although difficult to withhold their opinions, the managers are amazed at the creativity and enthusiasm that follows.

But does such a simple question make a real difference in achieving results? Anson Dorrance is a university soccer coach legend, having led his women’s soccer team at the University of North Carolina to 21 national championships over 33 seasons. According to Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman, who have written a fascinating book on the science of winning and losing (“Top Dog), Dorrance learned not to berate or lecture the women after a game played poorly. He simply asked, “What do you think?” The women capably provided the answers.

Fortunately for me my sisters knew that I was just looking out for them. They have both done well. Their playful feedback resonates though. I continue to work on letting go of my “bossy pants” persona to allow the “What do you think?” me to emerge.

Beyond our natural default setting

When I take a walk around any university campus, I calm down. There is something magical about the winding, irregular paths, the trees and vast green spaces, the beauty of the well-designed original fifty-year plus buildings and the hustle and bustle of students, faculty, staff and visitors traversing the grounds in every direction. It’s a cocoon, a little enclave in the midst of that unpredictable, often uninviting world out there.

Memories past spring up when all I had to worry about was being a student. It was a glorious time and a stressful time. But little did I know how peaceful it really was in comparison to what was ahead. The journey of life is a series of pilot tests offering an opportunity to learn or fume.
Fuming seems to be an easier route to take because it’s easier. Something annoying happens. We react. Simple! To not get irritated requires effort.  To be calm means I have to stop, see the situation in a more benign light, let go of being ticked off and revel in a more positive world. Too many steps! It can be exhausting when life is a constant series of irritations!

Yet, with a bit of practice the switch to seeing others and the prickly situations in a better light can speed up reducing the drain on my brain. A bonus is having the pleasure of going down pathways that may never have been explored and enjoyed otherwise; thus, my motivation to be more “type B” in nature in the face of life’s pilot tests.

What better place to pick up on the “learn or fume” challenge than a commencement address? It may go in one ear and out the other in the moment but with the fullness of time it resonates. David Foster Wallace captured the story poignantly in his address to the 2005 graduating class of Kenyon College. I wish he had won the battle as he passed away in 2008 but his messages live on to inspire us to keep pushing the flywheel.

http://blogs.wsj.com/speakeasy/2013/05/10/david-foster-wallace-commencement-video-goes-viral-five-years-after-death/

Nature can help us with priorities

Hunger often tricks us. We heap our plate with delicious food expecting to savour every morsel. But, our real capacity to take in a certain amount of food in one sitting kicks in. For most of us, the left-overs go into the refrigerator or to the dog or the garbage.

The same can be said of lofty and exciting visions – “big, hairy, audacious goals” beget big priorities which can be tough to achieve in the short-run and maybe never. They are often impossible to accomplish quickly and are prone to taking us on a wild goose chase.  By aiming too high, too fast there is no time to relax and enjoy the journey and to learn as we go. The far outcome rules the roost and we don’t like failure. So we keep trying when the best strategy might be to re-evaluate the start point in the first place.

There’s nothing wrong with having a great vision. We need a picture in our mind’s eye to be a navigator. But getting from here to there is another matter.

The way nature handles priorities provides some guidance on toning down our ambitions and become “real” when selecting “priorities”. As Steven Johnson describes in his Wall Street Journal article, The Genius of the Tinkerer, nature evolves through with “first-order combinations”. To quote from scientist Stuart Kaufman, such combinations are “the adjacent possible” rigged together from existing and nearby resources. It is a “kind of shadow future, hovering on the edges of the present state of things, a map of all the ways in which the present can re-invent itself”.

In our language, this looks like and sounds like “first things first”. The “adjacent possible” certainly captures that and more to quote Johnson - “the boundaries of the adjacent possible grow as we explore them”. Nature evolves as the current situation demands. We do too, learning on the fly, experimenting.

Taking a page out of nature’s book, when we attempt to identify what’s first, consider the next door that has to be opened to push the flywheel forward. Think small, as in mini-step, while aiming high. Let the story unfold with each storyline connected to another. Be OK with left-overs as they signal a possible stop, turn or detour in the road. Feel free to “combine odds and ends” to bring form to emerging ideas along the way. 

And finally, relax into the present, rather than be dogged by the future. Such focused attention provides clues to the next priority.

When greatness beckons

Did Barack Obama visit “the dark night of his soul” in the aftermath of the Newtown Connecticut mass killing of innocent children? That the time is now to do something?

Crises can bring out the best in a leader aided by circumstances opening the way.  “Moments of greatness” as Robert E. Quinn from the University of Michigan asserts come infrequently to leaders. Most of the time, leaders operate in a normal state staying within their comfort zones, allowing external forces to direct their behaviours and experiences. But, “the fundamental state of leadership (greatness) shows up when leaders don’t copy anyone”. They “draw on their own fundamental values and capabilities, operating in a frame of mind that is true to them”.

President Obama has a rare opportunity to change the destructive gun culture that sets America significantly apart from other developed nations.

Will he take up the mantle of greatness? Not for its sake but for the innocent lives that will be saved. What a legacy if he does.

Personal kanban for getting a grip on overwhelm

I love post-it notes because they allow me maximum flexibility to move my “to-dos” around without the confines of linearity. I can stick them in my pocket. Paste them around my desk or on my door as constant reminders of what I have to do or should remember. They reduce my mind overload and give me the illusion that I am organized and progressing.

However, they too can become oppressive once the post-its reach epic proportions and are scattered everywhere. Most discouraging are aged post-its that never seem to go away.

I tried giving up on the post-its by using a single focus booklet entitled “To-Dos” organized by level of priority and life/work category. I also experimented with using post-its and notes on Outlook. But my organizational framework wasn’t workable – still not enough sense of progress and that which was realistic to accomplish.

So, when I came across Jim Benson’s “personal kanban” idea for work flow which included post-its and relative simplicity, I was intrigued. Taking a page out of Japanese manufacturing, Kanban, meaning “sign card”, tells me what is doable within a given time-frame.

Here’s how it works:

Ready (my options): the tasks, each on a post-it, of what I want to do

Doing (my limit): the tasks I believe I can accomplish in a day

Done (my progress): a dynamic list of work completed

There are more rewards for my brain with this work flow process because I physically move post-its along the continuum. I certainly derive some satisfaction the other ways too – throwing or crossing out!

Scaled up, it’s a great tool for teams grappling with those projects that never give enough satisfaction while the journey unfolds.

Check out the “I Love Lucy” clip in the article by David Zax on Benson’s method. It is hilarious!

http://www.fastcompany.com/3002383/why-managers-should-study-i-love-lucy-kill-their-do-lists-and-get-zen

What does squeezing a ball in your left hand have to do with “getting out of your head?”

“Pressure” is not a welcome activity always. We can go one of two ways: choke or rise to the occasion. It’s a delicate balance which can be toppled even among seasoned veterans if we become discombobulated for some reason. That is, if our minds get the better of us.

So enters the term “getting out of our heads” as an antidote to crashing or freezing or whatever behaviour is manifested when we are unsure of ourselves. But how do you do it? Nice in theory; however, hard to implement when faced with a situation that evokes panic or distraction or uncertainty.

The sustainable path to building a “cool head” is well-known: meditation, yoga, saying daily gratitudes, deep breathing, exercise of any kind and deliberate practice in your domain of expertise (becoming a chess master, so to speak). These all grow strong and automated neural connections in your brain so you don’t have to think for long if at all when faced with uncertainty or an over the top schedule fraught with soft issues. The trick is “to get out of your head” and just do it!  Squeezing a ball in your left hand, horse-whispering and acting lessons can help.

Squeezing a ball:
According to David McGinn in a September 21, 2012 article in the Globe and Mail, German researchers discovered that Olympic athletes in complex, accuracy sports could improve choking under pressure by squeezing a ball in or clenching their left fist before competing. They theorize that the motor activity activates automated behaviours in the right side of the athletes’ brains which control movement, enabling the brain to ignore thought.  Put another way, the squeezing action dampens down conscious rumination.

The proviso though is that this does not likely apply to lefties.

Horse-Whispering:
Horses are very intuitive. Imagine then trying to tune into them to obtain their cooperation. Leaders taking “training” at Lisa Arie’s 3-day boot camp learn how to get off their pedestal, walk in the shoes of another and let their instincts have a chance. A bonus is becoming entirely relaxed once they learn “to get out of their heads”, to become CEO horse-whisperers. As tapping into intuition enables better decision-making, the practical benefits are obvious.

Acting Lessons:
Jacqueline McClintock, who passed away recently, was renowned for her coaching of actors, such a Naomi Watts, Alex Baldwin, Gregory Peck, and Diane Keaton to name a few. She learned her techniques from an equally famous acting coach, Sanford Meisner who encouraged actors “to get out of their heads” in order to do the job well. He wanted them to stop thinking about what they were doing, become more “in the moment, “spontaneous” much like comedians must do to succeed.

McClintock reinforced this by not listening to what actors were saying but instead listening to whether they were genuine – whether they meant what they were saying.

Albert Einstein once lamented that we had sacrificed our sacred gift of intuitiveness in service to our conscious thoughts. Many decades later, his words still resonate - the workplace reinforces conscious rumination to a fault.  We have some work to do and in the process we might all relax a little more and gain more trust in each other.