Be Interested. Works Wonders

A long time ago I took a pile of personal growth courses. Most of what I learned is a blur to this day but a few ideas stuck. One of them is to be interested rather than interesting. Now many moons later, the phrase keeps cropping up in various articles, books and videos as one antidote to the dangers of narcissism, rugged individualism, self-delusion and poor decision-making.


In the context of leadership, it’s a no-brainer. Bill Taylor in a June 6, 2011 Harvard Business Review blog quoting Randy Nelson, former dean of Pixar University, puts it this way:

It’s no trick for talented people to be interesting. But, it’s a gift to be interested – interested in big problems, interested in the talents and struggles of your colleagues, interested in the enduring mission of an enterprise and in new ways of bringing that mission to life.

But how many bosses and team-mates are this way? It takes a lot of work to get outside of our own concerns and achievements to focus on another.

If you manage to be interested it’s a sign of respect for the value of another human being. Respect is something we all want. I hear this over and over again from people at the front line and up no matter what the business of an organization. When I ask people what they mean by “respect”, they invariably describe it as others listening to them, helping them with their problems and showing they care in some way.

Maybe “caring” is the message of “being interested”. It affirms us. It levels the playing field across titles and roles. It says: “You count”. Powerful.

Power and Empathy: Not Easy "Bedfellows"

What fires together, wires together, as neuroscientists tell us. In The Shallows, author Nicholas Carr uses a water analogy to illustrate his lament on the impact of the Internet in changing the very structure of our minds, potentially short-circuiting our deep thinking:

Flowing water hollows out a channel which grows broader and deeper. When it flows again, it follows the path traced by itself before.

This reality about how out thoughts and habits “train” our minds structurally, explains what power can do when unleashed without the daily discipline of self-control. If power, due to a leader’s position, goes to his head, it can have grave consequences hollowing out a channel that ultimately can literally trip him (or her) up! It appears to be the case with Dominic Strauss-Kahn.

What is interesting with the commentary on Mr. Strauss-Kahn’s situation is that empathy goes down as power bewitches a person. He or she loses the ability to sense or read accurately another’s emotions and to take constructive actions as a result. The shadow side of the leader takes over weakening more and more the very skills and character qualities that enabled his rise to power.

This paradox is a real and present danger for any leader-manager anywhere in the hierarchy of an organization. It takes work to understand another, daily work. Not surprisingly, the closer a person is to the front line, the greater the empathy for another. A grounded life keeps one grounded.

When You're Feeling Micro-Managed, What's One Way to Change Up the Situation?

The best managers define the right outcomes rather than the right steps then get out of the way, as the Gallup Organization confirmed in its massive 25 year study in the late 1990s. This finding still stands, particularly among the upcoming younger generations who seek autonomy, purpose and mastery, according to Daniel Pink’s research and documented in his book Drive.


In reality, best managers are in short supply. Micro-managing is a frequent workplace complaint whether you are a front line worker or a middle manager. So, if you are feeling micro-managed, a not uncommon predicament, how can you shift the relationship with your manager in a positive direction using the Gallup and Pink knowledge?

In First Break All the Rules, which describes the Gallup results, authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman like to quote Oscar Wilde to illustrate the interpersonal challenges we face generally in life, let alone in organizations:

A truth ceases to be a truth as soon as two people perceive it.

If the only truth is your own, it’s easy to understand why reality is a moving target. In the case of a micro-managing manager, the truth can indeed be elusive as it appears in many guises in any given day. How do you catch the truth and make it work for both of you?

Do the obvious: Get yourself out of the perpetual cycle of uncertainty and frustration by digging deeper for the “truth” --- that which is in your manager’s head. Use the “right outcomes <> right steps” framework as your guide. Shape your own working life instead of letting your manager shape it for you. In essence, go on a search and discovery mission to draw out more clearly what your manager has in mind.

These steps help change up the situation. Talk with your manager in real time to:

1. Clarify the outcomes, in detail, including the assumptions behind them (Use open-ended questions that start with “what”, “how” and “in what ways”).

2. Negotiate improvements to the outcomes, based on your own wisdom and experience.

3. Take the opportunity to bargain for the right resources, if appropriate.

4. Explore and sign off on the next check in time and the nature of the deliverable.

In some circles, this is called “managing up”. Others might name it “project chartering” with your manager. At its most fundamental, sharing “truths” is the bridge.

Want to Build Your Confidence? Preparation is the Key.

“Fake it until you make it”, an expression popularized by Mary Kay Ash, always sticks in my mind for building confidence. It’s a good sound byte if you’re in the in the glare of the media, leading a team, running an organization or performing in front of an audience. We all squirm if a person shows discomfort, doesn’t recover graciously from a faux pas or whines without offering a positive way forward. But, it’s only a coping strategy, with little long-lasting effect unless coupled with the real builders of confidence.


After witnessing Patrick Chan wow the world with his gold medal performance at the 2011 World Figure Skating Championships, it’s clear that more than a mental mantra works. A number of media stories before the Worlds reported Patrick’s exhaustive preparation, especially for the quad jump which has not been his strength.

“Preparation equals security equals positive emotion equals better performance” as Tony Schwartz author of Be Excellent at Anything puts it. It’s that “deliberate practice” focus, 10,000 hours or more, documented by researchers such as K. Anders Ericsson, that makes the difference. Scientists, artists, athletes, people in the military and related professions, doctors, etc. know this well.

The manifestation of confidence is best seen when we’re under pressure. Do we fold or rise to the occasion? It’s hard to do if you haven’t practiced, if you are not prepared, as Justin Menkes asserts in his Better Under Pressure and a recent HBR Idea Cast. He describes three ways for top CEOs to become better prepared and thus build confidence:

1. Be realistically optimistic: no one likes to hang around a pessimist

2. Be subservient to purpose: that’s what fires people up

3. Find order in chaos: there is always a way through complexity

You don’t have to be a top CEO for these to apply!


http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/more-sports/chan-wins-gold-with-record-performance-in-moscow/article2001883/

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/fortune_archive/2006/10/30/8391794/index.htm

http://blogs.hbr.org/video/2011/04/how-top-ceos-cope-with-constan.html

While Rory McIlroy Had "Stack Attack", I Washed Floors

The father of the 2011 Masters winner Charl Schwartzel usually takes a pill and goes to sleep instead of watching his son battle it out in the last round of a tournament. “Wake me up when it’s over” he tells his wife who has no problem with the uncertainty and the tension. I can identify with the father. I felt so badly for 21 year-old McIlroy at the tenth hole and thereafter that I had to channel my emotions elsewhere (washing floors).


After a brilliant three rounds and being atop the leaderboard each day, to topple to a final round 80 to a tie for 15th is excruciating. Young McIlroy must have felt the weight of Northern Ireland on his shoulders when the wheels started to fall off.

Sports psychologists understand the phenomenon and how to treat it. The unpredictable event (which most athletes fear) triggers a chain of events because the athlete gets distracted with negative thoughts. That, in turn, causes loss of confidence, shallow breathing, emotional anxiety and a tightening of all the muscles. Not ideal for a fluid golf swing. The good news is that the “yips”, “meltdown” or “paralysis” can be prevented at best and managed before a “death spiral” ensues. No doubt, Rory will become a keen learner of avoiding this scary phenomenon and will be better for it.

But, this can happen to anyone in the workplace too when the pressure is on to perform and the situation is not totally controllable. That is, it depends on many variables and sound decision-making along the way.

What are some of the tips for working through situations when you are thrown a curve?

1. Prepare for each inevitability. Have a game plan;

2. Practice deep breathing and meditate daily (even for 10 minutes a day) as they develop frontal lobe resilience in the face of adversity;

3. Turn a negative thought about the situation into “what is the silver lining here?” thought. Optimism generates mindfulness (and clarity about the next action) whereas pessimism causes mindlessness (and confusion).

4. Use the time gaps in-between having to perform to stay in the present and not dwell on what just happened. For example, if we simply tune into our surroundings (sights, smells, sounds), we automatically remain in the present. Better still to view nature as it calms all of us down.

Positive psychology researchers have a mantra: emotions drive thoughts and thoughts drive motion. What we can control is our thoughts: what we think when an event is not to our liking occurs. It takes practice but eventually becomes ingrained (to change our thoughts into more positive and productive ideas).

Neuroscientists also have a mantra: What we pay attention to grows (more connections in our brains) with the corollary that our brains know how to start something (a new neural network), not stop (untangle a dense network). That means, we can change the automatic pathways in our brains (eventually) in reaction to challenges: when we work on starting something new (or improving a thought process), the new grows and the old wastes away.

Ironically, the military understands this as men and women subjected to their boot camps and who make it through the various stages typically become “mentally tougher”. I’ve been reading about the Green Berets’ training in Masters of Chaos: The Secret History of the Special Forces by Linda Robinson. The grueling conditions under which men and women are subjected and the practice for any imagined possibility builds confidence and adaptability.

In ordinary life, anything that makes us stretch has a similar effect: marathons, tri-athlons, iron mans, meditation, yoga, goal-setting, journaling, learning a new language, etc.

“Educating our emotions” is a life-long process. Rory found that out the hard way, very publically at the 75th Masters tournament. He has the money and the maturity to obtain good coaching and practice new ways. But, money is not needed to toughen a mind nor is it necessary to join the military or run marathons. The basis requirement is the resolve to do so and the belief that it works.

Inside the mind of the motivated: Five factors re-visited

The upheaval in the Middle East (out with the dictators!) reminds people everywhere: we are no longer going to put up with being viewed as monkeys or dogs who are trained to respond to the “carrot or the stick”, a form of behavior modification. Social media and other sophisticated technologies have re-awakened the human spirit because they relieve us from the routine and bring us more equally into a rich, shared world of information. Now we can use our minds to the fullest, focusing on the interesting and complex. Or can we?

Much has been written of late about “drive”, engagement and humans’ inherent tendency to seek novelty and challenge. We like to explore and learn. We get excited about a cause or purpose beyond making money. In that we are social beings, group problem-solving generates energy, positive emotions and feelings of pride in having cracked the puzzle. But, we are still having difficulty in organizations understanding the subtleties of enabling people from the inside-out rather than outside-in.

Let’s look at the newer twist on five common “motivating” factors to cut through some of the fog:

Recognition

Praise for hard work, persistence and working through difficulty appeals to our inner motivations. Less so for what we have accomplished. Praise for results tends to short-circuit the decision-making process, potentially cutting off creativity. Hard (and smart) work is within our control and we like it that way. In that the intended results often have to change because of the journey toward them (unexpected shifts in the environment), how we adapt is a much better measure of “success”.

Incentives

Similarly, for non-routine jobs, pay-for-performance and other related rewards tend to narrow people’s focus on the results, which encourages short-term thinking. Fair wages are better. It seems that pay-for-performance works best for non-routine jobs to make the drudgery worthwhile. But, that approach can actually do more harm than good for more complex assignments, reducing the success of the desired outcomes.

Interpersonal Support

Feelings and compassion for and understanding the other, otherwise known as emotional intelligence or educating emotion, fuel this factor. Sure constructive feedback still works but it should be to help individuals find the right roles that build on their strengths first and foremost. If we are square pegs in round holes and those we report to only focus on our weaknesses, we retreat and defend. There is little energy left for innovation. For managers: be interested rather than interesting!

Clear Goals

Goal-setting is vital in any circumstance to frame issues and provide the impetus to work toward something beyond the present. Our brains respond well to images of a new horizon, an improvement on our current circumstances. However, particularly in non-routine jobs in which the problems are well-known but not the solutions, people are more successful in finding good solutions if they set and adjust the goals themselves. Goals imposed by others (read: managers and the top leadership) tend to yield dangerous side-effects such as unethical, short-term behavior. Better to share in the goal-setting (called “buy-in” in the old behavioural world).

Support in Making Progress

This is the most powerful motivator: being in an environment where managers provide the right resources, take down the roadblocks and creatively facilitate the journey. Any progress sparks emotions that are the most positive and a drive to succeed that is in high gear. In essence the manager’s responsibility is to create a coaching culture wherein people have the opportunity to reach for their best.

We are all “tinkerers” at heart, so those who study evolution contend. We get great joy out of inventing often from “spare parts”. We do our high fives when the seemingly unsolvable has been solved. We love to celebrate together. It’s the only way to go. Finally.

Soul Force Rising

Sometimes I wish I had a much broader liberal arts education. The events in Egypt have opened another awareness door bringing bits of knowledge about the world from the background to the foreground. But what’s the real story? How did it come to this where young people are risking life and limb for the sake of a better life?

Back in the 1920s, Gandhi called it “soul force” or power devoted to justice and truth. When people are not treated with respect and dignity, when a leader’s moral authority no longer is directed to the interests and needs of ordinary people, the soul force rises. It is ingrained in our beings.

There is typically a spark that unleashes the energy of the simmering soul force. For Gandhi and many other Indian leaders it was April 10, 1919 when 379 demonstrators were massacred in an enclosed public square in Amritsar, India by a British General, Reginald Dyer. An estimated ten thousand had gathered in Jallianwala Bagh square to hear pro-Gandhi speakers.

In the background, the city was in chaos, with groups of Hindus and Muslims together burning buildings and tearing up railroad tracks in defiance of the rule of the “Raj”. Meanwhile Dyer, incensed that people had ignored his banning of all large public gatherings, barked an order to open fire (for ten minutes) directly into the densely packed crowd in Jallianwala Bagh. Screaming men, women and children ran for safety but there was nowhere to go in a space no larger than Trafalgar square. The narrow streets quickly became clogged bottlenecks.

Churchill’s sense of justice was shaken as was Gandhi’s. But Dyer was never held to account for his actions. The subsequent investigations concluded that martial law was justified and blamed Gandhi’s movement for undermining the rule of law. Although Churchill, who was not a fan of Gandhi's tactics and philosophy, tried every angle to see Dyer punished, the culture of the military won the day.

But, the spark of the soul force was struck. Gandhi so sympathized with the victims of Amritsar that he decided to call an end to his “splendid isolation” and join mainstream Indian politics.

It appears this is what is happening in Egypt. Too many injustices have piled up. The spark of Tunisia plus the kindling of social media ignited a firestorm.

As in society, can this happen in an organization? You bet. The difference is that the organization simply dies---goes bankrupt due to management malfeasance. Or, it languishes in mediocrity, increasing its numbers of beaten up employees while the courageous and the young people flee the premises.

We are all connected by the soul force. It is potent. When enabled for the sake of “the good society”, a concept espoused by the former Professor of Economics Emeritus at Harvard, John Kenneth Galbraith, it spreads as a powerful and positive force for change for the benefit of many.

Today, we have a powerful enabler: social media.

Sources:
Arthur Herman, Gandhi & Churchill: The Epic Rivalry that Destroyed an Empire and Forged an Age.

John Kenneth Galbraith, The Good Society: The Humane Agenda.